she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
