oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
