Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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