i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
