An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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