just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
