Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
