He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
