sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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