Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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