just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize