im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I didn't notice because vodka
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
