honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
