we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
