I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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