White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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