I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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