I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
