I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
