and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.