So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she told me i tasted like america
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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