So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.