I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it