Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
