can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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