So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
