can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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