Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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