you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
