I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dear god my vagina.
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