Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
