Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
