you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
