I accidentally had phone sex last night
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
