Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
