I have demons in me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
