OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
