So drunk its hurt
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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