After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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