We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
