i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
