so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
