i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
