My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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