My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
