The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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