I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
