I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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