He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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