He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
