Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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