my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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