Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
