i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
