ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
