Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
