I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
