Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
