we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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