idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
