I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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